Scotland

The lights are dimmed; the room is crowded.

The rain beats heavily on the window beside me.

The darkness of the night makes this bar seem bright.

All I can remember vividly is

You walking to the table I sat down at in the corner.

You pulled out the chair across from me,

And we leaned in as if the rest of the room

And the people around us

Became a separate world.

I don’t remember our conversation,

But I still feel the way my heart beat,

the way your laugh rang out,

Your smile—I noticed it truly this night,

Your brown eyes looking into mine,

and my green eyes letting their guard down,

Letting you in without a barrier or fear.

This November night let me know somehow, in someway,

You would be an important part of my life.

Now, I see that night as a missed chance.

It’s all I’m holding onto.

This silence isn’t how I wanted it to be with you.

I should’ve let you all the way in.

I should’ve let myself dive in, give into risk.

Now I know that if that night in Scotland ended differently,

I wouldn’t have to desperately

Make myself fall out of the love

I fell into in Scotland.